i kinda hate the way bro culture will be like, “loosen up, bro” — knowing full well that they’re the reason you’re on edge.
i don’t think they’re as stupid as we give them credit for (and no i’m not mincing those words). it may be unconscious, but there is a kind of deliberate evil lurking there, a cruelty, that knows its way around the subtleties and nuance of manipulation. maybe even an inherited body language, an unconscious code… of deflection, advantage, and gaslighting.
it’s an attempt to gain trust, but not in the interest of truly earning that trust. a deflective gesture. a distraction, to put you at ease.
yes, in a sense it’s a lack of self-awareness. but if so, it’s a brilliant feat of engineering because it also directly serves them: to acquire what they desire, and deny it all the while.
and no, i don’t hate all men. i am one, and i respect good men—men who treat others with respect. but i am speaking to a very specific cultural dynamic among men. a false “brotherhood.” and i’ve had so many promises broken by these men; while they re-oriented themselves in the meantime, to save face, make their next move, and gain a new advantage over the situation.
it’s happened to me so frequently that i really can’t tell you when this chess game (so to speak) was conscious and when it wasn’t. it’s like a force of nature. i don’t even know which makes for a worse demon: one who knows the harm in their actions, and commits them into deed anyhow? or one who doesn’t, but manipulates others as a survival mechanism with a whole nother brand of ruthlessness.
we are all manipulative, in some way, shape, or form; true. to use language, or fashion a tool, is to “manipulate.” but the question is more… to what end?
realistically, it’s not just men. but i happen to be frustrated with the “men” in my so-called “community” at the moment. this piece is inspired by real life. a true story. and, my question is… where are our behaviors and motives really taking us?
whether “conscious” or “unconscious” these demons are made manifest, REAL, in society.
how do we protect ourselves from ourselves, if we’re not willing to face the many men and women (humans) standing in the mirror—the rear view mirror of hindsight, history, ancestry, tradition; the story of our brutal survival?
is it by pretending everything’s all right, bro? all good.
do i need to chill?
do you have a pill for that?
because now we’re back where i started this piece. angry. just like a man.
funny that response, intuitive, my blood boiling. it’s the opposite of chilling out. shots fired. and i’m all ears, but i also have my eyes open. my hands ready.
it’s almost like my ancestors have been hoodwinked once or twice before, by the notion of “calm down.”
oh, but it’s not bad advice. not when we face the war machines of our own egos.
here’s the thing:
i believe these loopholes are pre-programmed in to our power dynamics, and certain personality types intuitively exploit them. some by nature, some by nurture.
maybe a “sociopath” isn’t just some obscure psychological disease that only certain people are prone to. maybe these “social pathways” are more prevalent than we pretend, and maybe they’ve been put there for a reason, implanted, imprinted, embedded into our psychosis and our laws alike.
the ghosts of our ancestors, and theirs too.
maybe what we call a “sociopath” (medically speaking) is actually just the anti-social version: the “disorderly” non-functioning liar, who presents as an anomaly because they don’t go along with the program.
maybe they’re the ones who got caught, and made too many messes. or maybe sometimes they’re also the ones with too much guilt, too much grief, too much consciousness, too much intelligence…to participate. maybe they’re the version with a conscience? conflicting drives and motivations.
we love to compartmentalize, isolate, and schism our biology—including our minds, the great discerners of truth. but the ghosts of this survival story live within us. whether it’s epigenetics, intergenerational inherited mental illness, or the simple history of what we have co-created together. the trauma doesn’t disappear, it transforms.
and my question, to all of us, here, now, is… what are we transforming it into, truly?
a new (“civil”) war? is it a new witch hunt, a new genocide, a new social justice system, with new arch enemies?
will we be conscious or unconscious? are we burning books, literally; or are we redacting them, cancelling them, erasing them?
has anything truly changed, or healed, or grown from the seeds we are planting?
and, if so, what?